i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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