so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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