Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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