If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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