i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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