just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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