I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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