i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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