if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize