After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize