I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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