If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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