i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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