You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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