Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We smell like vodka and hangover
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