my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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