I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
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Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I want is dick and wine.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize