I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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