Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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