I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize