Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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