i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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