Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize