im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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