I faked an abortion last night.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize