oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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