She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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