11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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