If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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