This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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