I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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