He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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