Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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