Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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