I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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