I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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