My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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