I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize