I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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