It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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