you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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