sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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