This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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