I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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