the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
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I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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