My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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