Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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