i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize