if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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