I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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